In novels, they often use this thing called ‘pathetic fallacy’, where emotions are depicted by things such as colours or the weather. Recently, this novel has almost come to life in my world. Aptly named Storm Emma has been causing chaos alongside the Beast from the East in the UK, causing bitterly cold and violent weather, leading to disruption and a halt to daily life. This is completely a reflection of my life right now, to me that is. It’s been a really difficult number of months.
I don’t enjoy splashing all my personal life over the internet, I’m quite good at keeping a balance between that to be shared and that to be kept private. However, I feel my blog is a journey as sorts. I want to look back at my work, my writing and yes, my feelings in the future and see how far I’ve come. The end of February 2018 was quite selfishly, probably the worst week of my life.
One thing that’s not talked about on the internet is post-graduate depression. Unis over, you’re let out into the big wide world. That’s really hard. It affects people differently and can come in issues all shapes and sizes, but for me, a number of quite significant issues have worn me completely down to rock bottom.
Since this week, I reached out for help. I have such incredible family and friends who are trying to pull me out of my hole. It’s made me realise who actually cares in times of darkness, and who simply runs away. I’ve been to the doctors and I’ve met up with old friends. I feel bad because although I’m being rallied around I just feel so lonely and miserable, I will definitely make it up to people when I’m better. It’s gonna be a tough few weeks, but hopefully by being proactive, taking my meds and spending time with those who care will bring me back to a better version of myself.
Also self care. Lots of self care. I’m gonna eat lots of cake as soon as I feel able to (screw holiday bod right now).