Many people crave the long summer holidays between school and uni semesters. Long nights with friends, unleashing their creativity on projects that were plans in previous weeks and months. Maybe just even being back home will settle their minds to a little bit of normality. However, I’m struggling. The holidays are hard and my many plans and ideas have turned into scribbles on scraps of paper and empty thoughts.
I don’t get to see my friends too often during the holidays – they all live rather busy lives. And I spend most of my time working or sorting through my endless piles of junk in my family home (I’m a bit of a hoarder). I haven’t worked during university semesters so I can spend time with my friends and studying, which I’m coming to regret a little now I’m shoulder deep in debt and cannot afford to go on adventures I’d so previously wished to.
My friends are also very much family people, as I am not. I love my family, but I feel I’ve very much outgrown living with them. I’m very happy living with my friends, maybe ready to move in with a future partner (ha ha I wish I have a tragic past with male relationships) or, most likely, living by myself. Which almost causes a rift. I want to spend all the days and nights with my friends; joking, laughing, going on drives, getting a bit tipsy. Ya know. But they all enjoy seeing family and their partners. It makes me almost feel a bit lonely. A bit lost. Who can I explore with?
And then, I’m feeling lonely from not only my friendships, but my creative. I love having a busy mind. I love learning. A slight bit of stress from a project or a piece of coursework actually fuels me. It motivates me to learn and explore more, makes me more passionate and in fact, happy. An empty, unused brain is actually a dark, sad place in my head. Five months off university is a big struggle. My job keeps me going, I get to interact with people and use some basic skills. But it isn’t challenging. I miss university so much. I miss learning. I had plans to write and blog more, film videos and take more pictures. But my lack of learning and loneliness in my head is making the world not much of an inspirational place. It’s glum at the moment. And a bit dark. I can’t wait to be reunited with longer times with pals, new facts and a little bit of light and colour inside my sepia toned cranium.